JC life is insane for people who are not smart like me.A shower session everyday after school is the most enjoyable time for me,whereby I can sing and release stress,and nowadays I have the habit of playing badminton at night ,playing against the wall,bounce ,hit ,bounce ,hit,something that can make me happy.20 days left to promos,I'm fucking nervous,never have I ever been such in my entire life ,including O level,because this is simply my last chance ,for me to get promoted. This fucking thing haunt my mind fucking every single day. Out of all things,I'm most not confident about econs. Perhaps,much diligence is required for this subject,and there's a lot of content for Bio ,and chemistry i have yet to practice. 20 days,to turn the table around.I'm scared,really. Once I fail, I don't see much use of myself,and there goes my dreams and all the luxury i wanted,my parents did warn me,if i were to fail,then i'll be on my own,since i'm already above 18.
God please bless me while i work hard towards it.
Well I wanna talk about respect here.In YJC,surely,I'm consider one of the oldest. I'm someone that once I think i am close to you,I'll expose the extreme fucking crazy side of me. But apparently,or perhaps I understand , they will tend to forget this word call the 'respect',when I've been close to them and doing all sorts of crazy thing. Well,couldn't I expose my crazy side and still have the respect ? I can swear ,at least 99% of the time, I don't ask people to shut up,because I think its worse than saying 'fuck you'. And here,I have people younger than me telling me to shut up.Well, that's it. I then realize its the true friends that will buy my craziness ,and still have the respect for me. Then,I've learnt that I should just control myself ,and be serious,everyday in school. I think respect is something essential that keeps relationship and friendship worthwhile . Haha,what a realistic world.Well people,perhaps you wouldn't know how fucking fucked up it is to have someone younger than you disrespecting you,when you didn't even disrespect them.
Oh ,and that's it,I'm done dreaming about the person.I look at myself,don't tell me to be optimistic,its just fucking reality,that I'm just someone who don't ,and won't get into a relationship with someone I like. Perhaps I'm blessed in other ways that people don't get ,like family's wealth,and something like being a resident of 3 countries ,laugh out loud. Well, from now on, I should just not hit on anyone,and stop looking at girls,because there's no fucking point.I always lie to myself I must be career minded ,and not get distracted by girls,lol,but that has been a lie in my subconsciousness,that I'm trying to make myself feel better or at least,look less stupid,by not going for the impossibles.
Okay,i think that's all for today.
All the best, good night.
Lord'Os 12:01 AM
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